Professional photographer here looking to step up from iphone camera?

Okay so I'm a pro photographer. I've been shooting with my iphone for like 3 years so I know everything.

I've narrowed down my choices to these cameras

A Nikon D4 a Nikon D3000 a Canon T5i a Sony W710 or the new iphone 5. I have pentax lenses I can use on all of these cameras. You just jam them on right?

I also want to shoot in 1080p film and need some good film to put in my digital camera, I tried to put HD film in my iphone but wound up electrocuting myself. I tried to call up apple but I couldn't because the HD film was still stuck in my iphone.

I also need HD memory film for my pictures.

Who makes good HD films these days. Does Craftsman and Staples make good HD memory film.

This question is obviously fake. I just posted it because of all the brainless questions people have been asking lately.

I wanted to kill you for, "I've been shooting with my iphone for like 3 years so I know everything."
But then, I skipped down to the end.

I'd go for a Polaroid Land Camera, connect your film with a firewire-USB adapter.

A couple things that may help, that I've deduced from others questions…

Buy the most expensive camera you can afford, it will make you a better photographer.
Buy the cheapest lens. Got a $7000 1D, get a $100 lens for it, no flash, no tripod.
The owners manual is just extra packing, you can throw it out.
For those looking at video, get at least a bit rate of 50Mbps, it will edit just fine on a $600 WalMart laptop and Windows Movie Maker.
And after you get your camera, leave it at home on a shelf.

A "professional" photographer is expected by their clients to be able to shoot any camera, anywhere, under any conditions and produce marketable images on demand.

Your post is helpful for those otherwise intelligent people who do not take the time to do any research before choosing photography as a fine hobby, let alone a career.

The difference between a Nikon D3000 (since its introduction there has been a D3100 (and now D3200) and D4 is like the difference between a Mazda Miata and Chevrolet Corvette. Yes, the both have four wheels and are considered "sports cars", but that is where the comparison ends. It is good that you included such disparaging samples

Thinking that a person can just "jam" any lens on a camera shows how little people understand the term of camera systems.

Indeed, thinking that digital cameras use film clearly shows some of the misconceptions people have

What called by some, "HD film", is of course a memory card. To shoot Full HD video, they would need either a 266x CF card or Class 10 SDHC cards

Unfortunately, your question and some of our responses will fly past those disengaged brains and people will go on spending money hoping for amazing images and ending up with simple snapshots, no better than they got when using their iPhones or Androids.

Thanks for the smile you gave me!

Reminds me of the David Hobby (Strobist) cheap camera challenge.

Amazing what you can do with a fine camera.

Http://keerok-photography.blogspot.com/2011/05/laughing-out-loud.html

Didn't Bert Hardy produce one of the finest photosets ever to appear in, 'Picture Post,' with a borrowed Box Brownie?

I thought you were serious (and I wanted to punch you) until I read the last line. Well played.

Brilliant you have asked all the questions concerning photography in the age range 12-20 apart from which class should I take to become a professional photographer, what are the best professional cameras, I'm starting a photography business on facebook

The iphone 5 pwns the rest of the lot and is used by 1337 ha><0r f0t0graf3rZ!111!oneone1!1!