Help finding a Nikon d90 flash?

I want to get a flash that doesn't have this big light that makes everyone look shiny.a soft flash, but bright enough, just not too bright. I don't know i don't know much about flashes. Can you just help me about what to look for? (don't make me feel stupid. I know this is, but that's why i'm asking… )

External flash units are controllable from the camera to emit more or less light but you have to know how to operate both to be efficient at it. The other thing is there will be times when you'll want all the flash can give you so think about my hint below.

I just mute my flash with diffuser material - two thicknesses at times and it gives me this look.

A Nikon SB-600 will allow you to control your flashes wirelessly, which will let you place the flash to the side where it will produce a more flattering picture. If you're in a situation where using a flash wireless is inconvenient, always use a diffuser or learn how to bounce flash.

I think you should go with Nikon SB-900 AF Speedlight Flash for Nikon Digital SLR Cameras

High-quality flash for standalone use or as part of a comprehensive lighting system
Commander mode controls up to 3 Speedlight groups or unlimited individual Speedlights
4 wireless channel options; prominent master and remote control switch for wireless operation
Auto power zoom coverage ranges from 17 to 200mm (FX format) to 12 to 200mm (DX format)
3 light distribution patterns; measures 3 x 5.7 x 4.7 inches (W x H x D) and weighs 14.6 ounces